Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"I'm the Go-Between Who Loves the Guy"

Dear Doctor Love

I need some advice. I had been secretly in love with someone, B., for the past 2 years. He and I are good friends, but he likes someone else, Kara, who is also my friend.
So since it didn't seem possible for me to express my feelings for him, I helped him court Kara. Then Kara decided that she wasn't ready to commit, and broke up with him.
He was so devastated that I didn't know what to do. He wanted me to help them come back together, so during our Christmas party, I got them to dance together. But somehow, I felt so sad I had to stop dancing and go somewhere to cry.
Then when he came back and told me that Kara had rejected him again, I just didn't know if I should feel glad or sad, or anything at all.
When I was about to leave the dance, he offered to send me off. We ended up discussing he and Kara. When he told me that he is willing to wait until Kara accepts him, I felt my heart die.
I was so sad that i just wanted to end my feelings for him. So I asked him to close his eyes, kissed him and said goodbye.
Since I didn't think we'd meet again, I thought everything would end there. But I cannot get my mind off him.
Then I met Kara yesterday at a party. We left together and talked about their relationship. She told me that she's hesitant about the outcome and thus is not confident enough to make up with B.
So I ended up encouraging her to accept B. Then I felt so rotten about myself that I went home to cry again.
I'm hopeless and I don't think I can take it anymore. I don't think I can continue being their go-between aunt-agony anymore, but I can't tell Kara that I love her boyfriend.
What should I do?
In need of a break,

My God! How much suffering can you inflict on yourself.
Stay out of their relationship!
Tell B. that he is too good to be with someone who doesn't love him and tell Kara that you don't want to be a go between. Also, don't tell either of them about your secret passion.
He won't be ready for you unless he gets over her so tell him he is worth much more than this kind of suffering. Then give it some time.
Meanwhile, act friendly to both.
IF he comes to you, tell him that you care, but that he needs to work it out for himself.
Tell him you know someone who likes him, but that you can't tell him till he gets over this. Then see what happens.
Besides, this is a self-esteem issue for you. Don't you think you deserve someone for yourself?
The only way to find out if there can really be anything between you and B. is to let him heal, and then see if he responds to you.
Also, I wouldn't spend that much time with either of them right now. Hang out with others. You may actually meet someone else that you like even better.
Waiting around won't get you anywhere and may actually be an unconscious statement that you don't think you can get your own guy.
Believe me, you can.!
Let me know how it goes. Good luck..


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